Thursday, May 17, 2012

things i'm afraid (but not really) to tell you

I've read a few blogs that have done these "things I'm afraid to tell you" posts, copied from Creature Comforts. I've been compiling a list of things that sort of fall along that line, and since I apparently don't have anything else to write about at this point, why not?  I'm sure some of these will be a little more heavy than others.

1.  I'm extremely sensitive to things that I see, read, or hear about.  I don't let myself watch scary movies or TV shows because the images will be stuck in my head for the rest of my life and it's simply not worth it anymore.  When Zach and I were first married we used to watch CSI and other shows like that, but after one particularly graphic episode I've never quite recovered.  It took me a while to get the self control to not let myself watch things like that, but I think I'm really getting to the point where I'm seeing how damaging it is for me.  And it's not just shows and movies - If I read a blog post about someone losing a baby or something else horribly sad I'll cry for the rest of the day.  It's gotten to a point where I'm really starting to worry about myself because it's not like I can just ignore the fact that terribly sad things happen.  I can't live in a bubble.  But at the same time, I can't obsess (and I really do mean obsess) over the pain that someone else is feeling at the expense of my happiness. I start thinking about what someone else has gone through and then I start worrying about how I would handle a similar situation and it literally shuts me down for the rest of the day.  Often times when I've read something particularly sad or disturbing I have to sit down with Zach when he gets home and tell him (since it doesn't effect him like it does me) everything that I read or heard (usually bawling my eyes out as well) so that I'm not carrying it by myself.  Usually once I've unloaded it on him I can start moving on and thinking about other things.  But that's not how we're supposed to live.  I don't want to cherish my children because one day they could be dead, or I could be dead.  I want to cherish them simply because I cherish them.  I hope that makes sense and I hope that I'm not sounding heartless.  It's the opposite, really.  My heart just feels those things a little more intensely than I can handle.

2.  So, you know how emotional I am about my new sewing machine?  Well, it's more than just emotional.  And you can think I'm totally crazy, but this is truly what I believe (yes, I'm totally about to bear my testimony of my sewing machine).  Every time I make something that we really need, or fix something that we don't have the means to replace, I get this full feeling in my heart and I say a little prayer thanking Heavenly Father for giving me the ability to sew.  Because I know that this ability has come from Him and I'm beyond grateful.  I take my job as a wife and mother pretty seriously and I find a lot of joy in making our money stretch in any way that I can. I've thought about this a lot and I feel like, for me personally, and for our family, I'm not here to make money and help pay the bills.  I'm here to figure out how to make what we have work for us so that I can stay home and raise these boys.  So being able to sew clothes for the boys and myself out of something that we already have or that I've been able to find for cheap is such a blessing to me and to our family (and please note - it's not that I sew amazingly well - it's just good enough for us).  There are pants that Zach has that would have been thrown out years ago if I hadn't learned how to patch them.  And there are some that were beyond repair for him, but that I was able to cut off and turn in to pants for the boys.  I put on a pair of pants today that were a little big in the waist (hooray!!) and after looking them over for a bit it suddenly dawned on me how I could fix them, and within 5 minutes I had pants that fit perfectly.  And yes, I got tears in my eyes.  I'm sure that seems trivial to some people.  And I'm sure people might think I'm a little crazy saying that I thank God for my sewing machine and the ability to sew, but it's true.  He's given me this gift to create and it's blessing my family in little ways every day.

3.  (changing directions rather drastically....) I'm against circumcision.  But unless you really want to talk about it with me, I'm not going to go into any more detail than that.  ;)

4.  I'm also against little babies having pierced ears.  Just throwing that out there while we're somewhat on the subject.....

5.  I started an etsy shop.  Well, restarted actually.  I had one a few years ago but I only sold two things, and one of them was to my sister.  Anyways, this shop is really just kind of for fun.  At first when I reopened it I thought it could be to help fund our annual beach trip with my family, but then (after getting it all set up again) I remembered how hard it is to get your shop noticed and how hard it is to actually make a sale.  So.... Yeah, it's there, but not really doing much at the moment.  My sisters are going to toss some things in there at some point, and maybe then it'll start to pick up, but at this point it's just hangin' out.  It's been a little nuts the last few months for my family, so we're in no hurry.  Anyways, if you want to see it in all it's loneliness you can check it out here:

6.  Like I said, it's been a crazy few months for my family on the east coast.  I'm not going to go into detail, but there have been lots of prayers sent out their way lately.  While I love where we live and can truly call this our home now, there are moments when it is incredibly difficult to be so dang far away.  And it feels as though there have been a lot of those moments lately.

7.  I waste a lot of time at this website.  Seriously.

Ok, I thought I had more than that....  I'm sure it'll come to me later.  And I'll slap myself in the forehead when it does.  But my man just got home from his college class and I'm gonna go give him a smooch.

p.s.  I love this:


jen said...

aw Katie. love your blog. that's kind of sweet that you're so sensitive. sometimes i wish i could be more sensitive, especially when it comes to sympathizing with others.
and i don't think it's weird to thank God for your talents and having the equipment you need to use those talents. I do not have the patience to sew, but I want to!
against circumcision, huh? i might have to hear more about this when i'm pregnant with a boy.
i am also against pierced ears for babies. i got mine pierced at 8, but that might be too young for any future daughters. i'm thinking at least 10 so they can care for it themselves.
your etsy shop is cute! what else are you going to put on there? I think embellished burp cloths, maybe a blanket or two. embellished onesies are always popular...
the next time you're in Charlotte, please let me know. I want to come down and see you in person.

maurine said...

Loved this post. It's true. You are sensitive. It's a gift. I don't think I am sensitive nearly to the degree that you are, but seriously, give me a good story about abused children, old people, or North Korea, and I'm choking back the tears too! I also decided a long time ago (ten years ago after seeing the Ring) that I would never again watch a horror movie, and I never have. It was just too scary, and had way too much effect on me. It's funny about how you tell your husband. Erick and I do the same thing. Erick is just as sensitive as I am and sometimes if I get started and he thinks he won't be able to handle it, he just tells me he can't listen.

Alas, I do wish I could sew. I just feel like I wasn't taught any of those fun house-wifey things, and had so much catching up to do, I'm just now getting around to things like crochet, tissue paper rossettes...I was a remedial home maker for a while. I hope eventually I will become good at sewing. Though, I can sew in a straight line, and you can do A LOT with just that. I sewed Cora's entire nursery curtains, quilt, bumper, etc, all myself. But I would like to be able to do more. Anyways, I could go on...but I won't! And we miss you here too! After 8 years of having just my parents near it is so neat having Greg 1.5 hours away and Andrea 30 mins away. I am so thankful for that !

OUR HOUSE said...

I feel your pain when it comes to being away from family. I'm grateful for the opportunities we've had and the places we've lived, but it never gets easier.

Hailey @ Me and My Boys said...

I'm pretty sensitive to the sad stuff too. Not to that degree, but enough to where I have to fight back the urge to grab Noah in the middle of a nap just to hold him so nothing bad happens to him. It's terrible.
If I unload on Brad, he tells me to stop reading such depressing stuff. lol.

Oh yeah. God definitely gives us all different talents and abilities to help out our families (and others and ourselves). I want to learn to sew someday, but right now, I'm using the photography.

robin said...

sensitivity. i hear you. i hate that i cannot get a few pictures or movies out of my head. when i was about ten, i had to have my dad give me a blessing because i couldn't stop thinking about a few minutes i had seen of jaws on tv. also, silver bullet. i watched it once at a friend's house. i can still remember how horrible... and a certain episode of medium (that i never watched again).

and i absolutely canNOT link onto sad story blogs. it ruins my week. so, i don't want to sound all, "oh yeah, i totally do that, too" (cause that's annoying), but i do understand what you're talking about.

(i actually am on some anxiety medicine because i couldn't stop the thoughts at night time... ugh.)

and your etsy shop is so cute!

and where are you from on the east coast? i love it there and that's where i should be living. well, there or california. NOT florida.